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diff --git a/posts/2026-04-30-stardust-melody.php b/posts/2026-04-30-stardust-melody.php new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4c92e0f --- /dev/null +++ b/posts/2026-04-30-stardust-melody.php @@ -0,0 +1,815 @@ +<h1 id="stardust-melody">Stardust Melody</h1> + +<p class="description"> +My third installment in Nat1's <a href="https://nat1publishing.com/wwoo/">Write, Wrong, or Otherwise</a> anthology! Stardust Melody follows two ghosts through the streets of Brooklyn as they try to piece together who they are and why they wander. This story is only lightly edited. +</p> + +<p>The gray monoliths of the buildings rose up like towering rock +formations. With the recent downpour they sprung from pools of sooty and +tepid water laced with asphalt, soot, and trapped garbage. The rain +stopped hours ago, but with no sunlight to dry the boulevards, the row +of streetlamps cast an eerie reflection of light which glowed up from +the slick avenue. Here, the soft glow of the storefront window mixed +with the reflection and filled the atmosphere with a warm yellow +glow.</p> +<p>Despite the light’s warmth, Frances felt cold. She was always cold +these days. Cold for as long as she could remember, honestly. Unless she +thought for too long about how cold she felt, at which point she +invariably didn’t feel like anything. Ignoring whether she was cold or +not she was sure of one thing: she was thirsty. Her lips craved the +slick rim of a cool glass, her nose an acrid and fruity fragrance, and +her head a warm, numbing, fuzzy sensation.</p> +<p>She licked her lips and tried to concentrate on the window. It +showcased a group of mannequins, all posing in partywear outfits. They +stiffly depicted what surely would be a great night on the town, despite +never embarking with their chaperones to go anywhere. Frances was sure +she fit right in with them. Her silvery dress swished as she shifted her +weight from one leg to another. Her pale, pallid hand absent-mindedly +twirled the pearls of her necklace. It trembled slightly. <em>Ignore it. +Just keep ignoring it, that was the key.</em></p> +<p>Ignoring it was always easier said than done. The party wear in the +window transported her in time and place to the warm and bright ones of +a piano, the <em>chicker-chicker</em> of a mixer, and the sharp clinking +of glasses.</p> +<p>Luke intruded on her thoughts and attention, as he was wont to do, +plodding up and down the sidewalk a short distance away. As he drew +nearer his steps became loud stomps. <em>Little terror’s probably +seeking attention again</em>. His arms were crossed over his black +suspenders. Under his gray paper boy cap his rounded face was turned up +into a discernible frown, clearly communicating a growing, childish +impatience with the current night’s events.</p> +<p>“Are we done yet?” he called back over his shoulder as he turned, +continuing his march. It was always the same question.</p> +<p>Frances rolled her eyes. After less than an hour of peace the fantasy +was broken and he tore her back to reality. Their reality. <em>Oh +goodie, here we go again.</em></p> +<p>“It’s still my turn,” she replied with a sigh, “besides you still +haven’t paid me back for the extra time you got yesterday.”</p> +<p>“Hmpf! Your turns are always so booooooring!”</p> +<p>Surely his mother spoiled him. “Hush now, be still.”</p> +<p>Luke un-crossed his arms, and then immediately balled his fists and +re-crossed them. He resumed his sentinel’s watch patrolling the +streaked, gum-spotted sidewalk. The little terror was much more +challenging to ignore for very long. Frances re-trained her eyes on the +suits.</p> +<p>The brat stopped his march long enough to add, “what do you want to +look at breeches for anyway, you’re a girl!” It was more of a statement, +a jab, than a question.</p> +<p>“Oh, what would you know about ladies’ fashion, you’re what, +eight?”</p> +<p>He stuck out his tongue, re-crossed his arms once more, and shuffled +off into the middle of the avenue. She followed the troublemaker with +the corner of her eye as he began to walk a figure eight through the +pavement, the intersection of his march taking him repeatedly through a +puddle. Each step on the glossy surface was certainly an attempt to +disturb the standing water. Make a mess. Little boy stuff. Despite his +efforts, the puddle remained still and undisturbed.</p> +<p>The stomping continued to test Frances’ patience. It drew her kicking +and screaming back from her fantasy. She wheeled around on her heel, her +hands on her hips.</p> +<p>“You shouldn’t play in the street, you know!” she admonished, nearly +raising her finger at him just like her mother used to do to her. +<em>What would mother have thought if she could see me babysitting +now.</em></p> +<p>“You know it won’t make a hill ‘o’ beans difference. Can’t rightly +die twice, can I?”</p> +<p><em>I only wish.</em> For a brief moment she paused and wondered +whether the kid was right. Could they die again? She didn’t want to +think about it. Thinking about it made her thirsty. What she wanted was +a stiff drink, soft music, and a warm arm around her shoulder telling +her it’d all be okay. Things she was certain she’d never have again.</p> +<p>The little imp resumed his plodding attempts at splashing. He pushed +his grimy shoes hard against the icelike reflection of the +streetlights.</p> +<p>“You know that’ll do nothing,” Frances counseled.</p> +<p>“It will too! Yesterday – or was it the day before – well anyway, +yesterday I got it to make a ripple. If I try really hard maybe I can +learn to do it again.”</p> +<p>Frances <em>tsked</em> and twirled away from him again. She tried not +to think about their situation, but it was too hopeless to ignore. She +didn’t know much about ghosts. She wasn’t much of a reader, or a +religious type for that matter. She did read about the afterlife in a +tabloid once, come to think of it. It had gotten passed around all her +girlfriends and the gossip alone made it worthwhile.</p> +<p>She remembered more of it now. There was an article in there on +witchcraft, voodoo, that sort of thing. Talk about curses and how they +always came in threes. Supposing there was any truth to that slop, she +figured she was looking at three curses right now.</p> +<p>Firstly, the two of them were dead. She was sure of that, but she +wasn’t sure what kind of dead. Best she could figure she was a ghost, +and a right smart-looking one at that, thankyouverymuch.</p> +<p>Second, they hadn’t a clue how either of them died. Try as she might, +the only thing she could be sure of was it had been dark and foggy. +She’d been driving up the avenues. Big deal, it was not unheard of for +Brooklyn to be foggy or dark, or for people to die in car crashes.</p> +<p>Finally, she was tethered to the little terror. They tried +everything. Nothing worked, they could never get more than about fifty +paces away from each other before some invisible rope went taught and +kept them together. She clasped her hands together to stop them from +shaking. That was the greatest mystery of all. She was so sure, positive +she had never met Luke before. She couldn’t remember anything about him. +Why’d she have to get stuck with him?</p> +<p>To top it all off, not a living soul could hear or see them. To the +best of her knowledge, Frances was trapped with the plodding soldier for +eternity. She glanced back at the partywear, trying to imagine somewhere +– anywhere other than where she was. Instead, she sighed. Surely, no +amount of concentration would bring back the daydream.</p> +<p>She unclasped her hands and dusted off her dress habitually, like she +always did when she felt stir-crazy and it was time to move. Turning to +Luke, she acquiesced, “alright, it’s your turn.”</p> +<p>“Oh whoopee!” Luke forgot all about his attempts at splashing and +jumped up, beaming up with his round face. “Oh this is gonna be swell, +just you wait. I wanna go to Luna Park!”</p> +<p>“Luna what?”</p> +<p>“The park, you know, the one with the airship and the moon and the +electric lights,” he paused to search her face with recognition, “you +know, Coney Island.”</p> +<p>Frances’ gut dropped and she let out a groan. “Luke that’s too far +away, it’ll be hours.”</p> +<p>“I’ll just borrow a little time, pleeeease,” he pleaded.</p> +<p>“You already owe me time. No chance, pick something else,” she turned +her nose up to make the decision final.</p> +<p>“No fair, you never do what I wanna do,” he protested, stamping his +feet.</p> +<p>“If you wanna go so bad then go by yourself,” she retorted, her nose +lifting even higher.</p> +<p>He looked deflated and more plaintive, his eyes softening in his +round face.</p> +<p>“You know I can’t go by myself, don’t be so mean.”</p> +<p>A pang of guilt right to the heart. She pushed past it, satisfied +that she had finally placed him squarely in a state where he was willing +to behave. Her throat felt dry again. She swept in for the kill.</p> +<p>“Your mother must have spoiled you rotten. I don’t see why I should +go, there’s nothing in it for me,” she said with a questioning +inflection, opening one eye to look down at him.</p> +<p>“But it could be fun for both of us. Or we could trade.”</p> +<p><em>There you go, right where I want you.</em></p> +<p>“Trade? Fine. We’ll go to Coney Island. But I want something special +in return.”</p> +<p>The twerp was energized and vigorously nodded as he said, “Yeah, +sure, anything!”</p> +<p>“I want to go to a club. But not just any club. The Jade Bird has a +late night shindig I used to go to. They have music, dancing, gin, and +other <em>adults</em>,” she emphasized <em>dults</em>, “We go right +after Coney Island and the whole time we’re there I don’t want to see +you. Not a peep. If you wanna go then say yes.”</p> +<p>Luke scrunched his face up in thought, but it must not have been a +hard decision because he hurriedly replied, “Deal!” and skipped off down +the avenue. As the distance grew, Francis felt the familiar tugging +sensation in her gut. Compelled to move faster to keep up with him, she +chastised him for running and implored him to slow down.</p> +<p>This rubber-banding continued for what felt like an hour. Maybe it +was two? Either way Frances was sure if she could feel her feet that +they’d be on fire working her way all across Brooklyn to hit the end of +Surf Avenue. People, living people, began to fill the streets. The +closer they walked the more they saw. Men in hats and white shirts long +rid of their work ties escorted ladies in short, summery dresses and +heels. Invariably, many of the couples toted along leaning, tugging +children, some wearing shorts and collared shirts while others wore +narrow suspenders much like Luke’s. <em>Just what I need</em>.</p> +<p>Finally, they walked under the large, red entrance sign welcoming +them to Luna Park. Ticket collectors and park attendants paid no +attention to them, at times peering straight through them to greet other +park patrons.</p> +<p>Frances felt ill at ease walking in without paying. She found she +could push the thought away without much effort. She had no money, and +even if she did there’d be nobody who could take it. Either way, she was +pretty sure there should be a discount for ghosts and therefore it was +justified.</p> +<p>Luke seemed not to experience this moral quagmire, skipping his way +into the park. Within, the inky black night sky was disrupted by a star +field of electric lights. At least a million incandescent yellow orbs +were strung this way and that across a great, heart-shaped lagoon +surrounded on both sides by sculpted white parapets. These were broken +up only by flowery minarets, also in white, decorated lavishly with +scrollwork and little red heart emblems. Every edge and corner of these +was equally adorned in that warm, smokeless, man-made fire.</p> +<p>In the dead center of the lagoon a great rectangular tower of +illuminated rose-like medallions jutted up like a beacon, a lighthouse +summoning park-goers to its gold palace below.</p> +<p>“Chutes first, chutes first!” the brat squealed, sprinting off toward +the Shoot-the-Chutes line. He took the steps two at a time, paying no +mind to his manners or the other children. Frances swore she could see +him pass right through another child once or twice. She trotted to keep +up but it was no use in her dress and heels, and she was barely at the +foot of the line when he reached the top.</p> +<p>“Hey, you behave up there!” she called up, cupping her hands around +her mouth. The other patrons calmly continued to step up and board the +toboggan-shaped boats.</p> +<p>“Oh, gee, this is a biggie,” the terror said, rubbing his hands +together as he peered down into the ramp and lagoon below.</p> +<p>A young girl, probably about 10 or just a little older than Luke, was +being helped into one of the boats. As the operator helped lower her +over the gunwale her pink dress fluttered. From her vantage point along +the base of the ride, Frances could see she was adorned head-to-toe in +pink: pink shoes, pink bonnet, pink stockings. Another gentleman +squatted down in the boat behind her, smiling as they both settled in +and gripped the sides of the gunwale.</p> +<p>Luke wasted no time, jumping aboard just ahead of the girl and +leaning over the bow with his hands on the forward handrail. Frances +could see him turn his head to say something to the girl, but she was +too far to hear anything. She shook her head.</p> +<p>The operator stepped back inside and pulled a lever. The boat let +loose and rapidly glided down the steep chute. As it built up speed, +water sprayed off the prow and up both sides of the hull. Luke let out a +loud “weeeee!” while the girl in pink squealed with equal parts laughter +and fright. Frances giggled in spite of herself at the sight of the two +kids losing their minds to the delight of the chute.</p> +<p>The boat shot out into the lagoon on plane, scooting across the +surface with a splash, sending up more spray as it glided to the waters’ +edge. The operator only gently ruddered it alongside as it bumped into +the dock as the little girl and her escort clapped and cheered. Luke +joined in as they all disembarked with the help of another +attendant.</p> +<p>Luke turned to the girl in pink and spoke to her directly, “That was +great, oh what a ride. Oh we need to ride that again, let’s get back in +line.” She was fussing over her bonnet, adjusting the ribbons. “My +name’s Luke by the way. Are you from Brooklyn too?”</p> +<p>The girl, satisfied with her attire gripped the gentleman’s hand and +pointed, squealing, “Daddy, look look!”</p> +<p>Frances’ heart leapt as she followed the little girl’s finger and +witnessed a caravan of elephants slowly loping down the main promenade +around the lagoon. Other park goers stared in awe at the parade, mouths +agape at the procession of gray beasts, each adorned in red garnets and +heart-shaped fez. The elephants would randomly toot their trunks and +flap their ears at passerby.</p> +<p>“Oh neato, so you like elephants huh?” Luke continued his one-sided +conversation. He gripped his cap and alternated glances at the large, +gray animals and the girl in pink. Her eyes remained transfixed on the +elephants only.</p> +<p>Finally, she interjected, “Daddy, can we ride them, can we?” she +squealed again, giving her father a tug on his sleeve. The pair then +began to excitedly start off in the direction of the elephants.</p> +<p>Luke called out after them as they went, “Hey, I could go with you! +We could be friends!” After another moment, they were gone in the sea of +spectators in their slacks and dresses. His arm hung out in midair, +grasping almost for a hand to take him away too.</p> +<p>Frances leaned with her weight on one leg, rubbing her hands up and +down her arms gently trying to warm herself. She pursed her dry lips, +unsure what to say or do. <em>He knows right? He couldn’t forget, could +he?</em></p> +<p>“Hey um,” she started, immediately unsure how to finish. The rest of +the sentence didn’t come. She was terrible with kids. Swallowing, her +mouth suddenly very dry and patchy feeling, she started over, “She can’t +see–”</p> +<p>“Yeah, I know she can’t hear me. Or see me. I just – I dunno, I guess +I just felt like having another kid to play with would be nice is all. +Then you wouldn’t have to.”</p> +<p>A lump grew in Frances’ throat. Just peachy. <em>Now the kid’s got a +moral high ground</em> she thought. She absent-mindedly twirled her +pearl necklace. She felt shrewd and frumpy. Here was this kid, this +child who never got to grow up. Would never get to grow up. Never play +with other children on the playground again, never go to school, play +sports, or dance at prom.</p> +<p><em>Yeah Frances, real nice piece ‘o’ work, how do you feel now?</em> +<em>You’re a washup, a rich wannabe party animal who’s gonna be +forgotten and go on being annoyed forever. Boo-hoo, here’s a kid who +lost his shot at beginning to live.</em></p> +<p>She swallowed and then clasped and un-clasped her hands. She didn’t +want to drag this out. The time passed quicker when he was having fun. +She still wanted to make the Jade Bird, after all.</p> +<p>“Hey Luke, er, if it makes you feel any better, I could be your +friend. For tonight I mean. Er, I didn’t mean that, I just meant we +could hang out for a while.”</p> +<p>Well that sounded real nice. <em>Great job again, Frances.</em> What +did she even sound like?</p> +<p>Luke turned around, his hands behind his back. His pale, round face +looked up at hers, puzzled.</p> +<p>“You mean it? You wanna be my friend?”</p> +<p>“Yeah, um, sure I do,” she replied, re-centering herself on both +heels before adding, “Hey look, there’s this um, ride over there,” she +pointed off to the left promenade back toward the entrance. Avoiding eye +contact she continued, “I bet you’d like it. Called the Dragon’s Gorge +or something. Wanna try it?”</p> +<p>“Dragon’s Gorge? Sounds cool!” the kid perked up, gripping his +suspenders and readying to run before she caught him.</p> +<p>“Actually yes, but we have to walk there. Like friends. No running +off.”</p> +<p>“Oh yeah, sure.”</p> +<p>They began their stroll around the lagoon. Frances crossed her arms +and sauntered along, the silvery sequins of her party dress clicking +around. Luke fell into line and tried his best to match her pace, +straying a little and then bouncing back whenever he saw a clown, a +store, or something else which grabbed his curiosity.</p> +<p>Frances let her eyes linger on the tall, many-faceted glazed windows +of the Grand Ballroom as they passed by. Within, a small band played +jazz standards while a lady in an emerald green halter top sang to a +delighted crowd of swishing, bobbing dancers. Tuxedoed arms caressed a +menagerie of colorful dresses dotted with beads and furs, despite the +heat. Occasionally, a pair of lips would steal a quick kiss when its +owner suspected nobody else may be looking.</p> +<p>Frances hated it. The whole scene looked all too familiar. Pair after +pair of happy couples dancing the night away with armfuls of each other. +Here she was, alone and miserable like so many other dreary New York +evenings. All she needed was a glass and the picture would be +complete.</p> +<p>The emerald singer’s words floated out the double doors, tickling +Frances’ ears and enticing her to think about something else. She +allowed herself just a small respite to catch the lyrics.</p> +<p><em>Lonely days are long, twilight sings this song</em><br /> +<em>Of the happiness that used to be</em><br /> +<em>Soon my eyes will close, soon I’ll find repose</em><br /> +<em>And in dreams you’re always near to me</em></p> +<p>Her mind greeted them, pulled them in, and allowed them to push out +her ruminations. She turned them over and over again. The tune lilted +and bounced around in her head until she found herself humming it while +they strolled along the park promenade.</p> +<p>The kid drowned it out with, “You must like parties, huh?”</p> +<p>The question almost startled her out of the fantasy. “I like ’em, +yeah. I like singing mostly, I wanted to be a singer before…” She left +the sentence unfinished. It felt like the wrong thing to share at the +wrong time.</p> +<p>“Oh, it’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. It’ll be a friends’ secret.”</p> +<p>She smiled, eyes shut, not meaning anything in particular by it and +hoping he wouldn’t probe further.</p> +<p>Luke continued, “Is that why you wanna go to the club? So you can +sing at a party again?”</p> +<p>The party slipped back into Frances’ mind. The room was dimly lit and +cloudy with the culmination of two dozen cigarettes, the wisps of which +all conjoined into a great fuzzy approximation of the reality behind +them. The clinking of ice in one ear and the popping of a champagne cork +in the other. Those were the most prominent sounds, a cacophony which +drilled through the soft rags of the tinkling piano. She tasted salt, +little drips flowing down from her eyes, over her nose and onto her +lips. In her fantasy she was crying. <em>Seriously</em>? She wondered +whether she could even cry now.</p> +<p>She shook her head. Luke watched her expectantly, but quietly left +her alone with her thoughts this time. Her hands trembled and her head +felt dull so she tried to change the subject, to think of something else +– anything else.</p> +<p>“How about you kid, anything you wanted to do? You know, before, +<em>it</em> happened. What did you wanna do when you grew up?” <em>Nice +Frances, that’ll help</em>.</p> +<p>“Me?” Luke looked puzzled by the question, then wrapped both his +hands around his chin and shouted, “Grow a beard!”</p> +<p>She giggled, her nose catching the air in a snort. Luke returned the +laughter, and she found that the more he laughed the more she laughed +back at him. The laughter caught her off guard and the more it continued +the harder it was to stop. Finally, it subsided, and she coughed to +shake the last out of her throat.</p> +<p>“That’s it? You want a beard?”</p> +<p>“Oh yeah, I mean I dunno if I can now but I always wanted to grow a +real big white beard. So when I’m an old man I can say ‘hey you +whipper-snappers, you get along ’fore I give you a caning!’” he mimicked +wielding a stick in one hand while the other maintained his fingered +beard.</p> +<p>Hands on her hips, Frances returned, “Wow Mr. Luke, you sure are a +crochety old man.” Luke continued to smile but returned his hands to his +pockets as he walked.</p> +<p>The Dragon’s Gorge now dominated the park before them. It presented +itself as a gargantuan archway, appropriately guarded by two monstrous +dragons on either side, each with a pair of glowing green eyes. The +archway itself spanned a large recess which showcased a diorama of +scenery and railways within. Occasionally, with a clatter and a scream +of surprise, a train full of passengers would careen around a corner and +then dip out of sight behind the next outcropping of faux rock.</p> +<p>Luke’s pace quickened as he skipped ahead to the entrance. There +wasn’t much of a line and Frances was able to persuade Luke to wait with +her for an empty car. He could do with some fresh manners anyway, and +she didn’t much feel like sitting in the same seat as someone else. +Literally.</p> +<p>What couldn’t have been five minutes passed in silence before a +brakeman guided an empty train car onto the staging lane. It was adorned +with heart-shaped scrollwork and even more dragon heads, these ones +sticking their tongues out. Luke hopped into the back and Frances +carefully stepped down into the wooden cart beside him.</p> +<p>A young couple, dressed down in casual wear, took their seats up +front. Once they were settled, the brakeman let loose the cart and they +began their rickety descent.</p> +<p>Frances’ stomach lurched as they rounded the first corner. She gasped +as the train tilted back up a ramp and caught on a ratcheting lift. The +<em>clank-clank</em> of the tracks drowned out any other noises the +attraction may have been making as the train climbed higher and +higher.</p> +<p>Out of the corner of her eye Frances caught the kid looking around, +trying it seemed to get a glimpse of what came next. His big, round eyes +put his circular face into a state of apparent worry. She immediately +regretted suggesting this. The Dragon’s Gorge? At his age he should +probably be on the teacup ride or something.</p> +<p>She gripped the handlebars as they crested over the ramp, the train +briefly floating before thunderously clanking its way down to the other +side straight into a narrow tunnel.</p> +<p>In the blink of an eye Frances found herself in a brightly lit scene, +the train clacking away and swerving left and right, eliciting gasps +from the couple ahead. All around was a carefully constructed miniature +Grand Canyon. At least, that’s what it looked like. There were dusty red +paper mache rocks forming a ridge high up above the tracks on both +sides. Down below the tracks a trickling blue river of dyed water +babbled in an artificial creek bed.</p> +<p>Up on one ridge was a makeshift teepee flagged by clotheslines of +hanging pelts and a few large clay jars. On the other ridge sat six +taxidermied buzzards all packed together, staring down with eyeless, +beady faces at the passengers. As they trundled along, Frances +envisioned them hunched over, tearing into a bony, decrepit steer like +in some picture show. She tried not to think of what may have become of +her body, the one she occupied for what seemed like a much shorter stint +of life the more she pondered it. She felt parched in the artificial +arid landscape.</p> +<p>Once or twice the brakeman yanked the lever, slowing the cart up with +a jerking sensation as they plunged into another tunnel. Luke slid +across the seat and was now sidled up to her, practically sitting on the +beads of her dress, as his hands tightly clasped the handlebar.</p> +<p>The tunnel slipped away, revealing cool blue hues and the shimmering +reflection of water on the ceiling. It was relieving to fly away from +the desert so quickly, and Luke let out an audible “Aaah” as the forward +passengers sighed with some mixture of relief and amusement.</p> +<p>All around the train were a menagerie of marine life. Schools of fish +flitted this way and that on thin, complicated networks of wire. The +dark blue rocks were speckled with purple corals, orange starfish, and +wavy, shimmering green sea grass.</p> +<p>Twice Frances was sure the train was headed right for a rock face +(and once a large tuna) before the wheels thundered them out of the way +on a different course. The car rounded another corner and the scene +opened up even more, boasting a great expanse filled with larger +creatures. White ice sheets dotted the ceiling and chubby seals dove +from them down through the air, disappearing around another rock with a +mechanical click.</p> +<p>She could have believed for a moment she was truly beneath the ocean +before the main attraction dominated the room: a panoramic view of the +oceanic backdrop was thrust a great undersea ship. It was coppery, +cigar-shaped, and decked out in portholes full of electric lights. The +Vernian craft elicited a “Captain Nemo!” from the kid, who turned to +Frances pointing at the vessel. Gasps of “ooh”s and “aah”s from the +other two passengers showed that at least on some level they were +impressed with this attraction.</p> +<p>She Frances didn’t want the scene to end. It actually felt sort of +peaceful. She could forget for a minute that she was anywhere else than +settled quietly on the bottom of the sea, watching the fish go by. She +wondered whether when it was her turn she wouldn’t rather go walk the +beach and see just how many fish Luke and her could spot if they +wandered down into the Atlantic.</p> +<p>The next tunnel draped them in darkness all too quickly though, and +her stomach lurched before she was sure the cart was being lifted up by +another ramp, the tell-tale clattering of the track told her it had to +be.</p> +<p>The ramp was much shorter this time, as Frances counted the seconds +stopping short of the last ramp before the train stopped clanking and +nosed down again. The tunnel forked hard to the left as the whole park +came back into view. From within the archway’s diorama the park looked +breath-taking. The yellow spots of warm light beaded every surface and +were a blur from their speed. Park goers down below stood up, some +waving at the train as it rolled along.</p> +<p>Luke gave a wave back, holding onto his cap and laughing gleefully as +he shouted something nonsensical down between the dragon statues. It +seemed like a nice finale. If given the option Frances fancied she’d +like to get off and walk around some more. The brakeman pulled his lever +once or twice but made no effort to stop the ride. The train crested one +more ridge and then dove out of sight of the park into darkness +again.</p> +<p>With more darkness came more speed. The sickening twists and turns +became more jolting and jarring now. Frances couldn’t help but feel a +strange, familiar sensation. Plunged into darkness, lurching this way +and that as a set of mechanical wheels beneath her skidded and slid +along, always on the edge of control. She felt her foot instinctively +applying pressure with her toes, feeling around for a brake pedal which +wasn’t there.</p> +<p>Frances yelped as a sudden ramp tipped the cart back. Her gut lagged +behind, stretching out forward with the train’s momentum as their speed +was stolen away by the incline. Now the cart creaked along, crawling +toward a bright orange-red glow at the end of the tunnel.</p> +<p>Tantalizingly slow, the train emerged into a scarlet cavern +illuminated by wrought-iron torches of open flame. The tracks rested on +a trestle over another river, much like the Grand Canyon but this one +burbled with thick, red lava. Or was it blood? Stalactites clung to the +ceiling above the rectangular cavern, and Frances wished she kept her +eyes fixed on them.</p> +<p>All around, the cave walls were pimpled with grotesque faces. +Wretched mouths oozed pain from the slick rock below black eyes. Tears +of thick red fluid seeped out of them. Frances felt herself clenching +the handlebar and holding her eyes shut tight like some scared little +girl. She forced them open gain and looked down into the river. It was +occupied by a lone boatman in dark, tattered robes. He was posed in this +the scene with a gold coin in one bony palm, while the other hand +clutched a push pole.</p> +<p>Horrible, grasping, and plaintive hands rose up out of the river and +clung to the boat while the boatman looked on, featureless beneath his +charcoal hood.</p> +<p>On the other side of the seat, Luke began to shudder. His whole body +trembled and shook, and when Frances leaned over to check on him she saw +his face was wet. Streaks of slobbery boogers mixed with teardrops on +his cheeks and he made no attempt to lift his arm or wipe them away. +<em>Oh, real great job, Frances.</em></p> +<p>She balled up as much of her hem as she could and attempted to wipe +Luke’s face with it. To her surprise, it seemed to actually work. She +quickly wrapped her arm around Luke. He was unexpectedly cold to the +touch but he leaned into her while the train crept beneath the torch lit +archway at the end of the cavern.</p> +<p>To her relief, the train slowly clacked around one last soft turn and +screeched to a halt at the end of the staging platform. Ahead, the young +lady was still still covering her eyes while her date laughed on. +<em>Ass</em>.</p> +<p>Poor Luke was quiet, emitting only the occasional sniffle. She helped +him up and out of the car. Another go was definitely not what he needed +right now.</p> +<p>Frances walked him off away from the Dragon’s Gorge and down a grassy +bank. It met a narrow river which meandered through the park. A myriad +of little gondolas propelled by much friendlier-looking boatmen and +their push poles chauffeured guests around lily pads and beneath white, +heart-adorned bridges.</p> +<p>With no idea how to comfort Luke, she just said, “you know, I bet +they take a whole day to change the light bulbs on that submarine. And +the plumber probably has to wear galoshes just to work in the River +Styx, what do you think about that?” Frances realized once again just +how much she sucked with kids.</p> +<p>She laughed in a meager attempt to liven things up but it was no use. +The little boy remained silent, and just took a seat at a small cafe +table and chairs a few feet up the bank. Frances felt cold creeping in +again. She wrapped her arms around herself and just stared into the +rippling water, watching the ripples bounce of the beds of reeds and +lily pads.</p> +<p>“Frances,” he asked timidly, “are we in hell?”</p> +<p>She couldn’t remember the last time she heard her name spoken. His +voice sounded so small. It sounded hurt and scared and forgotten, like +it might be buried and left behind for good. His words sent chills up +her spine, and she struggled to feel warm inside and out. She clutched +her dress tighter.</p> +<p>Frances chose her words carefully, but they still struggled to come +out. “Oh Luke, where did you get an idea like that?” She strode over, +not quite sure how close to get.</p> +<p>“Well, my momma taught me all about heaven. But this doesn’t seem +like it. I never figured on being cold or scared or bored in heaven. So +far as I can tell then this is, you know, the other place. But that ride +– that ride is what I thought it was supposed to be like.”</p> +<p>She smiled grimly and pulled out the other cafe chair to sit beside +him. He certainly was an intelligent little boy after all, wasn’t +he?</p> +<p>“Luke, I don’t know much more than you do, but I know enough to be +sure you aren’t in hell. And you shouldn’t say things like that. First +of all, as far I can see we’re still in Brooklyn, and there’s a lot of +folks around here who don’t strike me as the hellish type,” she paused +to let it sink in. Behind Luke’s troubled, gray eyes she suspected the +wheels were turning but he wasn’t quite believing her. Placing her +finger under his chin, she continued, “Second, you’re too good a boy to +go to hell.”</p> +<p>She brushed the dark bangs from her eyes and smiled again, as genuine +a smile as she could muster. His round face still pursed with questions, +his eyes darting across the lines of her face looking for what she +assumed was comfort, answers, or both.</p> +<p>He started again, “But why then? Why are we here? When can we +leave?”</p> +<p>“I wish I did know that.” This poor kid. He wasn’t frightened of some +ride so much as he was afraid of the afterlife. The beyond. <em>Sheesh, +maybe I really am a miserable person. Maybe I do deserve to be stuck +here. But he hasn’t done a thing wrong to deserve this. To deserve +landing with me.</em></p> +<p>She patted him on the head awkwardly, as if he were her old spaniel, +and tried her best to comfort him. Then and there Frances had a new +goal, a reason to go on, do better, lift herself out of her funk. She +was going to do her damnedest to make Luke’s eternity just a little bit +nicer, whatever that took. It didn’t matter how bad she wanted out of +it, how bad she wanted to dance or run or dive into a bottle, she’d +figure it out somehow.</p> +<p>“Hey, how about you pick what we do next?” she said, patting his +shoulder.</p> +<p>“Oh, I dunno, I think it’s your turn. Should we go to your party? You +wouldn’t wanna be late.”</p> +<p>She tutted and waved the thought away with a hand, “Eh, that juice +joint had no atmosphere anyway. Not like this place,” she gestured +around to the still-glowing white minarets of the park.</p> +<p>He stirred in his seat. Then he asked in a soft, squeamish voice, +“You mean you wanna have a party right here?”</p> +<p>Frances giggled. “Sure, right here. We got lights, we got guests, now +all we need is a band.”</p> +<p>“You can sing!” he blurted.</p> +<p>She was taken aback, swallowing and rubbing her hands together. +“Well, sure but I didn’t mean me. I mean, I’m not very good is all.”</p> +<p>“Oh it’s okay, I can plug my ears. Well there’s the boats too, but +they can’t hear us anyway.” At her hesitation and upturned eyebrows he +added, “C’mon, it’ll be great, it’s your dream right?”</p> +<p>A slight burning sensation behind the eyes unsettled Frances. She +felt a twinge in her chest, and her nose felt a little runny. She did +her best to swallow it down but the result was just a ball of +butterflies rustling around in her gut as she stood up from her +chair.</p> +<p>“Well, one song can’t hurt to get the party started eh?”</p> +<p>She bit her tongue and stepped gingerly away from the cafe tables, +closer to the water’s edge. Her hands trembled oh so slightly, but she +arrested them behind her back. She took a deep breath to steady herself +and clumsily cleared her throat.</p> +<p>Frances parted her lips and allowed the pent-up lyrics, her +favorites, to spill out.</p> +<p><em>Sometimes I wonder why I spend</em><br /> +<em>The lonely nights</em><br /> +<em>Dreaming of a song</em><br /> +<em>The melody haunts my reverie</em><br /> +<em>And I am once again with you</em><br /> +<em>When our love was new</em><br /> +<em>And each kiss an inspiration</em></p> +<p>The words felt strong, familiar, comforting, and warming. As she +sang, Frances felt her lungs fill with air as if she hadn’t drawn breath +for days – weeks even. Her chest swelled and she felt compelled to push, +to show the melody out. She spun on her heels, arms out in the air, +projecting the sweet verses.</p> +<p><em>But, that was long ago</em><br /> +<em>Now my consolation</em><br /> +<em>Is in the stardust of a song</em><br /> +<em>Beside the garden wall, when stars are bright</em><br /> +<em>You are in my arms</em><br /> +<em>The nightingale tells his fairy tale</em><br /> +<em>Of paradise where roses grew</em></p> +<p>Her feet firmly planted, the tremors gone from her fingers, wrists, +and arms, she belted the words. Each one complemented the last, the beat +was driving and buttery smooth. Frances felt a tingling on the back of +her neck, an electric current goading her on and rejuvenating her. Now +she clutched her arms close together again, softening the attack and +decay of her voice. She delivered the final verse just as strong, but +infinitely more earnest.</p> +<p><em>Though I dream in vain, in my heart it will remain</em><br /> +<em>My stardust melody</em><br /> +<em>The memory of love’s refrain</em><br /> +<em>Though I dream in vain, in my heart it will remain</em><br /> +<em>My stardust melody</em><br /> +<em>The memory of love’s refrain</em></p> +<p>She was panting now, and looked around under the yellow light of the +park to see if anyone had heard. She shifted impatiently on her heels, +and almost automatically, gave a short curtsy.</p> +<p>Luke ceaselessly clapped his hands together in his chair, so hard +that it was rocking side to side on its uneven legs. Frances smiled, +covering her teeth with one hand as he continued his applause with a +standing ovation.</p> +<p>“That was amazing, amazing! How did you do that, how did you learn?” +he babbled on and on, showering her with praise and compliments she felt +she had little right to.</p> +<p>“I picked it up here and there. I had a tutor when I was younger, +too.”</p> +<p>“I knew it, I knew I had to be in heaven. Only an angel sings like +that.”</p> +<p>“You’re too sweet,” she tried to play it down, but if she was being +honest with herself, Frances couldn’t remember the last time her singing +was liked, let alone tolerated. It wasn’t the kind of thing an heiress +in her family did, nor was it the kind of thing a boyfriend approved of +her getting up on stage to do in front of their friends.</p> +<p>She felt good. Happy, even.</p> +<p>“Well, Luke, the party’s started. What shall we do next?” Might as +well double down, she figured.</p> +<p>“Let’s look for bumper cars! Vroooom,” he started running around in a +figure eight again, this time mimicking a steering wheel.</p> +<p>“Do you really think we can drive ’em?”</p> +<p>“Well, maybe not, but we could dodge them! Then we can pretend to get +smashed, boom!” and he kicked backward, tumbling over onto the grass, +giggling as his cap flew off his head.</p> +<p>His round face, the cap, and the amber glow of the lights all came +crashing back onto Frances like wave after wave of shock. Her head felt +light and her face tingled, leaving a clammy and bloodless sensation. +She remembered the fuzzy, blind drunk dizzying sensation in her head. +She remembered instantly the foggy avenue and her dim headlights, the +lurching sensation as she struggled to maintain control.</p> +<p>She remembered the boy crossing the street.</p> +<p>She cupped her hand over her mouth and knelt down in the grass. She +felt sick, wretched even. Her pitiful end coming back to her in one +single motion was more than she could hold back, and the tears burned +their way out of her eyes while she gasped for air. Her sniveling came +in spurts at first, before her breath hitched and kick-started a train +of gasps and wails.</p> +<p>“Oh no, oh Luke–”</p> +<p>Little Luke stood up from retrieving his cap and, upon seeing Frances +on the lawn sprinted over to her side. He put a small and on her +shoulder and sort of patted her the way she had done earlier.</p> +<p>“Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to play that game. We can do something +else.”</p> +<p>“No, it’s not that,” she gasped, “I just remembered how it happened. +I’m pretty sure I know what happened to you, too.”</p> +<p>His eyes widened. She tried to control her heaves for air, and in +between breaths she managed to get it all out.</p> +<p>“You were right, I do miss parties. I used to sing at clubs. I’d get +in the car with my friends, my boyfriend, and we would all go. I wasn’t +a very happy person. The crowd didn’t always like how I sang, so I would +sit at the bar for a while. Dance a little, head to the next place and +do it all over again.</p> +<p>“Well, one night I was singing. My date, he… Well, he ditched me. He +didn’t like how I sang either. So I closed the place out – I was really +sloshed. I got in my car and I started driving fast. Real fast. It was +foggy, I couldn’t really see. I– I hit a small child. A boy. I don’t +remember anything after that.”</p> +<p>Luke’s nose was running as he hiccuped, his eyes turning puffy and +misty again.</p> +<p>“Luke, I am so, so sorry. Luke,” she stammered, “I’m the reason +you’re dead. I’m the reason we’re both here. I killed us.”</p> +<p>His chest was heaving beneath his suspenders. Frances pulled him in +close, wrapping her arms around him and gasping for breath.</p> +<p>He mumbled into the sequined shoulder of her dress, “you mean you +died in a car crash? All alone? That’s so sad.”</p> +<p><em>He can’t really be thinking of me. The miserable drunk who runs +over kids?</em> She pulled away to look squarely in his puffy eyes, +wiping her nose with her other hand as she did. “Luke, I did that to +myself. But you didn’t deserve that. You’re a good person.”</p> +<p>“So are you, you’re my friend. Nobody deserves to die like that.”</p> +<p>Her chest still ached, tight with exertion and that burning, +clenching sensation. She smiled anyway, straightening his cap. “Well,” +she sniffled, “it’s because of me you’re not gonna get to grow a beard. +I only hope one day I can make it up to you. I’m so sorry for what I +did. I’ll never forgive myself.”</p> +<p>“Oh, I forgive you!”</p> +<p><em>He makes it sound so easy, like he doesn’t get it.</em></p> +<p>“Luke, I don’t think you understand–”</p> +<p>“No, really, I forgive you. You didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that. +You were sad and lonely, you didn’t know what you were doing. But it’s +okay, friends forgive each other.”</p> +<p>He dove into her shoulder and embraced her again, his warm arms +wrapped around her neck tight. She closed her eyes and allowed herself +to imagine a world where she might have met this little boy walking +around the city, just passing by. Or darting between her and her friends +around Coney Island, racing off to the next attraction.</p> +<p>“Thank you, Luke.”</p> +<p>He kept his warm arms around her neck, refusing to let go. The warmth +started to spread, and she could feel a growing radiance from his hands, +arms, chin, and torso. She opened her eyes and saw she was bathed in +white light. Not the incandescent strands dotting the park, but a hot +glow.</p> +<p>“Luke, look! Let go, Luke!”</p> +<p>She pushed him away and showed him his hands. The glowed with a +vibrant intensity, the light climbing up to spread from his fingertips +up his arms. He gaped, turning his hands this way and that to watch the +warm beams. Then he took a step back and checked the underside of his +shoes as if he had stepped in something.</p> +<p>“Frances!”</p> +<p>His whole body was enveloped now; he looked like his whole body was +wreathed in white-hot flame tinged in blue. She stared at him, mouth +open, a flutter returning to her gut as she clasped her hands together. +Her breathing had calmed, the heaving in her chest ceased. All she felt +was Luke’s great subliminal warmth.</p> +<p>“Luke, what– how do you feel?”</p> +<p>“I feel great! I feel so warm,” he remarked before licking his lips, +“and I taste again. And smell again!”</p> +<p>She didn’t know what to think. Everything she saw defied thinking, no +rational logic or deduction or assumption could help her understand what +she was experiencing. But she did feel something, a clinging, +overwhelming joy she couldn’t shake.</p> +<p>“Luke, I think you get to go now,” she excitedly exclaimed as she +took his little hands and shook them.</p> +<p>“I get to go?! Oh yippee, I get to go, I get to go!” he stamped and +jumped up and down in place, then quickly faltered. “Wait, what about +you?”</p> +<p>It was not lost on Frances that she was the same pale figure without +sensation that she had been. In her excitement this failed to bother +her, although now that she reflected on it, she decided she didn’t feel +that bad about it. She was glad, and confident that someone, somewhere +had made the right choice.</p> +<p>“Oh, well, maybe it’s not my time yet. But don’t worry about me, I’ll +be alright. You’re gonna get to see some amazing things.”</p> +<p>Despite her reassurance, he protested, “But I wanna see them with +you. Friends stick together. Besides, they gotta hear your singing in +heaven, you’d make a beautiful angel.” He paused, screwing his face +tight in thought again, before exclaiming, “I got it! I forgave you, so +you gotta forgive me back.”</p> +<p>“But you haven’t done a single wrong thing to me. You never hurt +me.”</p> +<p>“Well, maybe then you gotta forgive you too.”</p> +<p>No, that wouldn’t do. Maybe Frances did deserve what she got. She +lived a pretty miserable life, she figured her afterlife ought to meet +expectations. She tried to assure him again by saying, “Luke, I don’t +think it can work for me. You should go by yourself. You’re a brave boy, +you’ll be alright.”</p> +<p>“But that’ll leave you all alone. I don’t want you to be alone. I’ll +stay with you,” he half-tripped as he stumbled up to her and wrapped his +little arms around her tight again, clenching like he had no intention +of letting go.</p> +<p><em>Forgive myself.</em> She closed her eyes. He made it sound easy. +It wasn’t what she deserved. She couldn’t remember forgiving herself for +much. She blamed herself for how her mother and father felt about her. +Blamed herself when nobody liked her singing. Blamed herself when every +boyfriend walked out on her. Heck, now she was guilty of running down a +child and she was downright positive that was worth blaming herself +over.</p> +<p>Luke hugged her tighter, little white and blue wisps floating off of +his shoulder and streaming up into the air around them.</p> +<p>He’s a good kid. He’ll be happier once he’s with his people. More +likely than not, Luna Park’s a whole lot better up there anyway. Maybe +he could even grow a beard up there without having to be an old man. He +would understand one day. Some people were just bad and they didn’t get +to be redeemed, not by a few lousy roller coasters anyways.</p> +<p>The boy nestled his face into her hip, pushing into her and holding +on even tighter. The wisps grew stronger now, little blue coronas +shooting off like sparks from his hat and shoes.</p> +<p>He’s a good kid. He made it sound so easy. <em>Maybe if he doesn’t +think I’m so bad, then maybe I’m not so bad.</em> Frances took a deep +breath again and held it. She put a hand on his cap, distorting and +flickering the warm light as she did. <em>Maybe I can do it as easily as +he can.</em> She let her breath back out, allowing a shred of guilt to +go with it.</p> +<p>Luke’s warm light sparked and flickered once more. She lifted her +fingers from his cap to find her index and middle finger radiating a +white gleam. The blue-tinged fiery luminescence climbed down her +outstretched hand and flowed up her arm to her heart where an +all-encompassing heat grew. It spread out through every vein, nerve, and +pore of her consciousness, like her soul was wrapped in a freshly ironed +blanked.</p> +<p>“You did it, you did it!” Luke looked up, beaming from ear to +ear.</p> +<p>Suddenly Frances was aware her feet weren’t even touching the ground +anymore, as she and Luke hovered over a foot off the ground. She smiled +and laughed, and gestured frantically with her arms, “Luke we did it, +you did it! How can I ever thank you?”</p> +<p>“It’s my turn, and tag, you’re it!” And quickly as he could, Luke +began to doggie paddle through the air, climbing with every stroke such +that he was now about twenty feet off the ground.</p> +<p>“Oh no, you don’t, I’m gonna get you!” Frances gave chase, back +stroking her way out over the river, paying no mind to the height as she +and Luke climbed far up over the lagoon, past the illuminated tower.</p> +<p>They took turns, invariably chasing each other through the night sky +on their journey. They paid no attention to the attractions of the park +and the returning parade of elephants. No more did they look to take in +sights of the city’s skyline, or the indigo sky and its first burgundy +rays of daylight. No living soul saw, or would ever be able to discern +them from two twinkling bright candles, flickering once again each +before they vanished together into the starry skies beyond.</p> |